Imago Archives - Page 2 of 2

Couples Hygge – “Self” Care for Relationships

You may have heard the Danish word “hygge” come up several years ago, when it was a finalist for the Oxford Dictionaries’ Word of the Year in 2016. Or in Disney’s Frozen – the musical version has an entire song about hygge! But the concept is much older, a staple of Scandinavian culture. And it works both for self-care and couples care within a relationship. What Is “Hygge”? And How Does It Apply to Relationships? Oxford Dictionaries defines hygge as “a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.” Imagine if your relationship became...

Reading Love: What Do Connection Bids Look Like?

“Love is simple.” “Love is complicated.” Both feel true at different times. If you could make a roadmap of love, what are the stops along the way? Researchers John and Julie Gottman broke down the gestures of love (and rejection) into small interactions called “bids.” Bids are moments when you ask your partner for connection. Because of that, we’re just going to call them connection bids. Noticing Connection Bids Means Getting Good at Subtext The tricky part is that connection bids are more often indirect rather than direct. When we become stressed and distracted by life, we might miss our...

Romantic Vacations Mean Managing Relationship Expectations

If we’re being honest, many of us have felt some of our lowest moments while on vacation. These didn’t make it onto the camera roll, but you probably learned something about yourself, like what renders you desperately existential. Many of these emotions stem from disappointment of grand relationship expectations. Combine this vacation existentialism with your partner’s own expectations, plus some romantic fantasies – shifting your relationship into a new gear, reaching a commitment milestone, or just imagining a 24/7 happy and stress-free trip – and you are bound to feel some sore disappointment. Especially after you’ve spent even just one...

Change Your Language, Change Your Relationship

Have you ever wondered how some conversations with your partner can descend into bickering so quickly? It’s true that conflict in relationships can be caused by deeper, underlying tension. Sometimes it might feel impossible to change your relationship. But conflict can also arise from misunderstandings. And those can happen from the simple mechanics of word choice – and how we choose to talk about things in general. In other words, if you “fix” your language, it can change your relationship for the better. A Simple Change Can Go Far The next time you feel tension in an exchange with your...

You Can’t Always Get What You Want: Identifying Needs vs....

You’ve heard the adage “Pick your battles,” but that can go out the window when your partner leaves dishes in the sink for five days… again. Do they not value your time? Do they not care about the house you share? You mention it, and they’re upset – nothing they do is enough. But everyone has relationship needs, and you feel like you haven’t asked for much at all. Have you? Acclimation, Criticism, and Appreciation In the same way that we adjust to a hot bath or a cold winter day, we get used to our partners and what they...

How to Restore Joy in Your Relationship

“Click.” A door closing as you retreat to separate rooms. A remote turning on the TV to fill the silence. A phone call trailing off. These are the sounds in a relationship that has lost its spark and connection. This sort of relationship languishing can feel terrible and confusing. What even caused it? And more importantly, how do you restore joy in your relationship? Sometimes the answers are simple. Or your relationship might need more examining and professional help. But there are solutions to the relationship rut. Read on to discover ways to reconnect with your partner. Start with Small...

Build Love: See the Effort Behind Your Partner’s Actions

What does "build love" mean? Sometimes we get caught on a very specific way that love “should” look. This can create expectations that increase tension and resentment in our relationships – when often we’re looking to each other for acceptance and support. Does this situation feel familiar? You’ve been exercising more, so you start to expect compliments as your clothing fits better. Meanwhile, your partner is so distracted he hasn’t even noticed your appearance! And your hurt feelings accumulate. By the time he shares the romantic Canada road trip he’s been planning, you give it a cold snub. He shrugs...