Uncategorized Archives - Dana Cole, LMFT

Meeting Your Partner’s Needs Fills in Your Missing Puzzle Pieces

In the heat of marriage conflict, you may find it difficult to imagine that energy leading anywhere constructive. (more…)

How to Open the Communication Door to Your Partner

Effective communication is a vital aspect of any romantic or platonic relationship. Keeping the communication door open helps to cultivate a sense of closeness and intimacy between individuals. Many couples, however, struggle with communicating their needs and wants. The key to effective communication is to express yourself in a healthy way and listen to your partner. How do you do this? Determine Your Communication Style Understanding your communication style is the first step toward opening the communication door. By being self-aware of your communication style, you'll be able to recognize when you are blocking effective communication and take steps to...

How to Process Forgiveness in Your Relationships

Forgiveness forms an inevitable aspect of any relationship, whether it is romantic or platonic. It is essential to learn how to forgive in a relationship, especially if you’re trying to move forward after a major hurt or betrayal has occurred. However, processing forgiveness is not always easy. It requires a lot of work and introspection, and it has no definite timeline. The Process of Processing Forgiveness First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that realizing forgiveness is itself a process. You may need days, weeks, months, or even years to work through the hurt, pain, and anger that come...

Low Expectations, High Standards: A Surprising Equation for a Happy...

As an Imago therapist, I often work with couples who feel stuck, disconnected, or dissatisfied with their marriage. Why does this happen? One common issue that can arise in relationships is a mismatch between expectations and standards – and you may be surprised to hear that it's beneficial to have high standards in a relationship. Some people maintain low standards for their relationship, while others' expectations are too difficult to meet. In fact, many have that exact combination, which can be a recipe for dissatisfaction. In fact, research has shown that the equation for a happy marriage is combining low...

Cultivating Your Relationship: Would You Say That to a Friend?

We often forget that our mental health as an individual has a huge amount to do with the health of our relationship. In other words, you can read all the relationship advice you want, but if your self-care doesn’t change, you may not affect the changes that you want in your relationship, either. In this vein, one simple way of cultivating your relationship is to examine your self-talk… And how that translates into conversations with your partner. The key question here is “Would you say that to a friend?” Why Self-Talk Matters To put it simply, self-talk is like...

Newly Empty Nest? Optimize This Time to Reprioritize Your Marriage

Here is the most obvious nugget of knowledge ever: Having kids drastically changes your life. Priorities change. Your focus changes. And how you spend a large amount of your time changes. Often, couples who have children put their relationship on the backburner by necessity. They have to make sure their kids’ needs are met. That they are successful in their jobs so they can continue to provide for their now-larger family. That they at least marginally maintain their own health so they can actually do all of those things. Only after all that is their relationship a real consideration. As...